As far back as I can remember, I have been hearing voices. It started when I was just three months old. I remember lying on my back in a cold sweat, undergoing nicotine withdrawal (as I found out decades later), my smoking mother having switched from breast-feeding to bottled formula. Gasping for breath, I heard my father yelling at my sister in the next room. She was wetting the bed every night, and my father was extremely upset. I couldn’t understand at all, and was preparing to scream aloud.

Suddenly a voice went off in my head, saying “If you scream, something very bad will happen to you.” Since I was only a baby, it wasn’t in words, but I could hear the voice. I screamed anyway, and my mother came in, swooping me out of the crib into her loving arms. I heard my father’s yelling increase, and the sounds of my sister being spanked. It was so awful I can recall it even now, though I know that seems utterly impossible.

I grew up clumsy, anti-social, unable to communicate well. And the voices continued. I was watching TV once, “The Green Hornet” show, and I felt something spit very hard between my legs, going straight up my private parts. It was horrible. But I never told my parents about any of these things, keeping it all quietly to myself as the other kids taunted me, making fun of how weird and unusual I was, unable to keep up with them except in my schoolwork. There, I excelled. But for many years I spoke to no one, crying to myself even in the classroom, my body twisting up into awkward shapes uncontrollably. My mother noticed this, but we never saw a doctor about it. Instead, she sought out psychological counseling for me when I entered my teens. This did me no real good.

One day, a nice lady coach who had seen me jogging around the high school track asked me to join the girl’s track team. I did, and this began a partial recovery from my disabilities and social awkwardness. I made friends, and even came in second in one of our races. By the time I entered college I was pretty much normal, though often subject to strange feelings and occurrences, and occasional voices in my head. But still disturbed and given to crying fits, I dropped out of college, taking off hitch-hiking to blindly find my own haphazard way of living. I ended up in Washington State, where I found work as an attendant for the disabled. I met John Tyler, a most amazing man with polio who taught me that disability is not the end of your life, but the beginning, and I made friends with other disabled people.

For the first time in my life, I was happy; I blossomed with joy, no longer alone and afraid. I even married the most wonderful man in the world, Ron Schwarz, the son of Austrian Jews who had fled Hitler’s Holocaust; he had severe multiple sclerosis and used an electric wheelchair. We could not consummate our marriage, but we were deeply in love just the same. We all lived happily at Center Park, the first major apartment building in the country built specifically for people in wheelchairs and for all kinds of disabled people to abide within its beautiful walls independently. I met every sort of disabled person imaginable, including the deaf/blind, learning all about the various disabilities. But my sweet husband Ron finally died of cancer in February of 1985, two short months after my dearest friend John Tyler, my mentor and savior, unhappily succumbed to pneumonia.

Working just a few more years for the disabled, I stressed out, unable to work anymore, and in the middle of this, 1986, I had an incident where I tried to hurt myself by falling off a window ledge, ending up hospitalized and on several mental health medications. Previously in 1982 I had been diagnosed as depressed, but had not stayed on medications. Now I was forced to do so, until I finally had myself taken off them again. I went on struggling for years until I met Remigio, my present husband, in a certified nursing class in 1990. I went back to work for a disabled lady, Carrie, again at Center Park. Remigio and I lived with her there until she gave up her battle to live independently and moved to a nursing home, where she died.

I and Remigio, constantly arguing due to my mental disability, married and moved into our own apartment. As he couldn’t take the constant quarreling, he took me to a psychiatrist friend of his, and once again I was put on strong medications. These hurt me physically, and in 1997 I finally came down with a severe physical disability, chronic dystonia/dyskinesia of my left arm and head. We are presently treating this by reducing my psychiatric medications and using natural therapeutics. But I still constantly turn to the left, having to struggle to right myself at all times; my left arm sticks straight out, and it’s very difficult to bend it, or even type.

Yet I had already set myself up years ago in business as a freelance writer, copy editor, copy writer, ghost writer and website designer under the name Rainbow Writing, Inc. I have my own website, several of them in fact, and am listed within several Internet writing agencies. I work ten to twelve hours a day, almost seven days a week, getting there by taking frequent breaks. I am just starting to make some money at this, and was recently hired as a full-time ghost writer by The Floating Gallery of New York City.

It’s a daily struggle, and my left arm feels like it’s going to break off my body at the end of my challenging day. But it keeps me busy, and I truly love my work. Many people have said I am blessed with extraordinary skill and talent, and I try to go a little further and learn a little more each day.

Remigio, a former psychiatric aide, certified nurse aide, and Doctor of Osteopathy, is a Godsend. I love him as much as I loved Ron, in spite of my mental problems, which are starting to finally alleviate under Remigio’s constant care and loving support. And in 1994, we were blessed during Christmas, the same season that John Tyler died, with a beautiful little daughter, our sweet and loving Angela. Due to my disability, she suffered some psychological trauma, such as during the times I attempted suicide, but although partly severely disabled herself from this, she is healing and pulling through, excelling academically and socially in ways I never was able to learn. She is a dream come true.

If I could have written something for my parents, or told them something when I was growing up, I would have told them to not fear my special challenges. I would have asked them to read about people with disabilities, which my mother did a little, reading about an anti-social little boy when she sent me to counseling. I did not even know about disabilities when I was growing up, so I would have asked them to have taken a greater role in my upbringing, as they were often rather aloof and distant. They didn’t seem to realize that my problems were not all my own fault, but the fault of fate and my unknown, undiagnosed, untreated mental, social and physical problems.

I would tell the parents of children with similar disabilities to mine to pay more attention to their children, never blaming them for their problems, listening to them carefully and never comparing them to normal children, which shames them and only makes matters worse. I would tell them to read books about children with disabilities, and to enter any organizations for such children, exposing their own child(ren) to other, similarly-burdened children so they would have a peer group, which I did not have until adulthood.

I believe they would feel more accepted and normal that way, and a lot happier than I ever was. It would be a much more fun, healthy, and productive life for them to be surrounded with other disabled children, and to develop a healthier, more normal attitude about themselves and their disabilities. Above all, it would help to stress their abilities and cultivate their happiness, both within their families and in society at large, as they learn and grow.

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Baby Kate was born with a defect.

Kate went home were she spent 2 weeks before they found out that kate was infact a sick little girl. She sounded like she had a cold, so back to the Dr. they went. Kate made noise with every breath she took. The Dr. sent Kate and her parents to speicalist. They examend her and said that Kate had Subglottic Hemangiomas: A subglottic hemangioma is a benign tumor of blood vessels occurring in the airway just below the vocal cords that may cause partial obstruction of the airway. It is an example of the same disorder that causes strawberry birthmarks on the skin of some children and behaves in the same way as a strawberry birthmark in that hemangiomas are not usually present at birth and they rapidly grow quite large then slowly disappear again. In fact, 50% of children with subglottic hemangiomas will also have a strawberry nevus birthmark somewhere else on their body.

It was blocking the very air she needed to survive. This poor little girl had to have surgery to open the airway that thretened her life. She needed to have a tracheotomy. For safty they also put in a feeding tube.

Surgery on shuch a small child was very risky there was a big chance that Kate would not live through the night. Long hours in a waiting room silently wishing the child would simply die mother sat and waited for the news.

Baby Kate lived to see the next day. Tiny,weak,hooked up to tubes and wires lay Kate in her hospital bed. This was the begining of a long healing prosess for Kate. Her space had to be humid so they put a vinal tent around her crib. Suctioning equiptment and a humidafier were part of her space.

It's hard to rember all the details throughout the first year . I do rember that there were alot of days that Kate spent in a hospital room. The Dr.'s gave her chemotherapy in the form of cobalt treatments. during this time Kate had suffered a collapse lung. Kate also developed Pneumonia that lasted a lot longer than the useual.

All this left little Kate smaller than other childern her age. She was a thin weak child. But, She was growing every day. Her parents reached out to the community for help paying the hosptial bills. They held several fund raisers. but the burden of all those bills were great indeed.

By her first birthday Kate was finally well enough to learn to breath through her nose and mouth like healthy people. This was a long upsetting time for Kate and her mother. When at last she learned to breath and the trac was removed she began to learn how to eat. At 18mo. Kate was begining to learn to eat like an infant that has never had any thing put into thier mouth. Mother would put food in and it came out, meny times food that stayed in would choke Kate and she woult throw up. This was a big task for Kate as well as her Mother.

With time ang Gods good grace these things were accomplished and Kate began to learn. All the things a baby should be doing, rolling over, crawling, walking. Kate learned she had a voice something the Dr.'s said may never happen. Kate was delayed at every turn, held up by tubes and illness for most of her short life to this point.

In the years to come she grew, learned, and got stronger. still senstive to sicknesss Kate was begining to be a real toddler.

The Child

The Year was 1974 Welcome to Public school.

School came with all the useal new things.

Many of wich frightened her.

A young man Jim a classmate. Scarred her and chased her around the room on hands and knees till I ran into a corner of a table.

Kate's very first day away from home and family, and she end up with a goose egg on my forehead.

Kate looked different than the other childern.Kate had a scare that could not be covered. It wasn't long before the other childern noticed it. That was a point of interets for a short while. Kate's voice is quiet and horse another point that was noticed before they even took the chance to get to know her.

First grade in the same small school in the same small town was not going well. Kate couldn't keep up with the school work. The other students had formed their oppions about her, something that would haunt her the rest of her life.

Sometome in the second grade they wented to hold me back. Mom would not let them hold me back a grade. Although I needed speical help. They tested Kate and found some learning differances. At that time they called it "disability" and that is what people saw me as not able. The students for the most part saw me as stupid. They would do and say mean things. The kids would call Kate names and once in sing song fashion they used her nickname to put me down. "Murtle Turtle lost her girdle" I t hurt and nobody but the kids knew it!

The grade school years a nightmare the kids in my class were relentless they found little ways to cause pian. They would not allow me to join in their games, They would say things like Go Away, Leave me alone, I do not want you here. When Kate found an empty place on the playground the bullies would kick things at her. Kate was the last to be chosen for group activities. No one wanted to be seen near Kate. The teachers did little to stop the abuse.

Once Kate did tell her mom what was going on at school. Mom's way to help Kate was to begin to teasing Kate like the kids did. Kate almost died inside, but, She laughed with mom. Just to get her to stop. Mom asked what is the differance when I do that and the kids. Kate could not answer her. Mom never knew just how much she had hurt Kate.

It hurt very deeply and permantly. Like scares on your skin that are with you the rest of your life the pian caused by the teasing left a painful scare on Kates heart.

The grade school years were so very pianful and lonely.

Kate did find one person who did not make fun of her.

She was an out cast also.

Although many people have heard

sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us,

those who have suffered from verbal abuse know that words do hurt

and can be as damaging as physical blows are to the body.

The scars from verbal assaults can last for years.

They are psychological scars that leave people unsure of themselves,

unable to recognize their true value,

their talents and sometimes unable to adapt to life’s many challenges.

Food for Thought

Subglottic Hemangiomas: A subglottic hemangioma is a benign tumor of blood vessels occurring in the airway just below the vocal cords that may cause partial obstruction of the airway. It is an example of the same disorder that causes strawberry birthmarks on the skin of some children and behaves in the same way as a strawberry birthmark in that hemangiomas are not usually present at birth and they rapidly grow quite large then slowly disappear again. In fact, 50% of children with subglottic hemangiomas will also have a strawberry nevus birthmark somewhere else on their body.

Subglottic hemangiomas usually do not cause problems at birth but cause increasing respiratory distress over the first few months of life. If large enough, they may block the majority of the airway and require intervention. The treatment options are high-dose steroids, which often will shrink hemangiomas. Another alternative is placement of a tracheotomy, which can then be removed one or two years later when the hemangiomas has disappeared again. Currently, in some children, open resection of the whole hemangiomas is considered to avoid the need for a tracheotomy.

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	Bedtime Originals Baby Zoo 4-Piece Baby Crib Bedding Set - Chocolate List Price: $79.99 Sale Price: $66.99
	Bedtime Originals Baby Zoo 4 Piece Bedding Set Baby Zoo's adorable patchwork of happy jungle animals in warm earth tones is sure to bring a smile to your child. The 4 piece bedding set includes a quilt, bumper, sheet and dust ruffle...

	SoHo Butterfly Meadows Crib Nursery Bedding Set 10 pcs **Reversible Into Morden Pink & Brown Polka Dot Designs !** List Price: $189.95 Sale Price: $79.98
	This Set Fits all Toddler Beds and Cribs (Single or Convertible) (USA, UK, AU, Etc..) The Set includes following 10 pieces: * Hand Embroidery Crib Quilt * Hand Embroidery Crib Bumper * Fitted Sheet * Crib Skirt (Dust Ruffle) * 2 pieces of Window Valances * Diaper Stacker * Toy Bag * Baby Pillow * Baby Bib

	Lambs and Ivy Enchanted Forest 6 Pc Baby Crib Bedding Set, Green List Price: $179.99 Sale Price: $140.51
	The Enchanted Forest 6 Piece Baby Crib Bedding Set includes: quilt, bumper, dust ruffle, fitted sheet, window valance and diaper stacker. The quilt measures 35 x 43.5. The bumper is 10 high with single ties in each corner, and 5 sets of double ties along the top and bottom...

	Soho Sage & Brown Suede 10 pcs Baby Crib Bedding Set List Price: $189.95 Sale Price: $53.99
	This Soho Sage and Brown baby bedding set features a complementary color palette of baby brown and sage green. The fresh colors and fun patterns make this perfect for any baby room. The adorable accented rich micro suede give this set a wonderful texture...

SoHo A to Z Alphabet Baby Infant Crib Nursery Bedding Set 10 Pieces ** Reversible Into 2 Designs ! ** List Price: $129.99 Sale Price: $49.99

This Set Fits all Toddler Beds and Cribs (Single or Convertible) (USA, UK, AU, Etc..) The Set includes following 10 pieces: * Hand Embroidery Crib Quilt and it is Reversible into Classic Sage and sky blue Argyle Print comforter * Hand Embroidery Crib Bumper and it can also Reversible into Classic Sage and sky blue Argyle Print bumper all 4 sided * Fitted Sheet * Crib Skirt (Dust Ruffle) * 2 pieces of Window Valances * Diaper Stacker * Toy Bag * Baby Pillow * Baby Bib

	NoJo Jungle Tales 6 Piece Crib Set List Price: $184.99 Sale Price: $139.00
	This 6-piece set includes a Quilt, Bumper, Fitted Crib Sheet, Dust Ruffle, Valance and Diaper Stacker. All items are machine washable for easy care. Quilt: White with colorful jungle animal appliquis...

	Soho Pink & Brown French Toile 10 Pcs Baby Crib Bedding Set List Price: $189.95 Sale Price: $57.99
	This elegant Vintage Pink and Brown French Toile 10 pieces bedding set is made with 100% Cotton Cream Chenille, Ultra soft Textured Sherpa Gingham, and 100% Cotton Vintage French Pink and Brown Toile Fabric...

	CoCaLo Sugar Plum 6 Piece Crib Bedding Set List Price: $199.99 Sale Price: $142.00
	It's sweet dreams for your little slumberer with soothing sugar-plum shades and butterflies aflutter. This 6-piece bedding set instantly creates a delightfully coordinated nursery setting for baby. Set includes: Quilt, bumper, sheet, crib skirt, diaper stacker and valance...

	Boutique Safari Jungle Animals 10pcs Crib Bedding Set List Price: $159.99 Sale Price: $59.99
	Made of 100% Cotton, this SoHo Designs® Jungle Babies 10-piece Crib Set includes a comforter, a bumper, a fitted sheet, a dust ruffle, a diaper stacker, and 2 window valances, toy bag, baby pillow and a baby bib...

	Nursery-To-Go Pam's Petals Bedding 10 Piece Crib Set List Price: $129.99 Sale Price: $98.54
	10 Piece Set Includes: Quilt, Bumper, Crib Skirt, Sheet, Valance, Diaper Stacker, 3 Wall Hangings and Musical Mobile

Pink and brown baby bedding, a favorite for some years, now seems to have reached an all-time high in popularity. But while it offers an unquestionable touch of classic femininity, which is appropriate for a daughter

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